I've Been Crying All Of My Life I Guess And All My Smiles Were Just Cringing And Tired

^Open Arms-Hey Rosetta!

I'm bursting at the seams here, and I don't know what with.
I'm pretty sure it's anger though, I feel like I could scream I'm so mad.
Mad at basically everything, everything that is happening and everyone I know.
No one really deserves to have me mad at them right now, but I'm just so mad I can't help it.

Things I'm mad about?

1) Stop being so down on yourself. You're one of the most amazing and beautiful people I've ever met. If I've learned anything in the past few months, it's that self-hate leads to bad things. I know it's a habit, and I know that everyone does it, but that doesn't mean it's okay. If you're fishing for compliments (which trust me, everyone does) do it another way, like maybe complimenting yourself? You are beautiful, I am beautiful, everyone is beautiful. It's easier to be down on yourself, but in the long run, you'll be so much happier if you accept yourself and believe in yourself.

2) You know when you think you're basically "in love" (for lack of a better way to say it here) but you know you're not? Or when you convince yourself that you're not but you actually are? Ya.

3) His lack of respect for anyone and anything but himself.

4) Okay, I hate when people avoid me. You said we were friends, I said we were more like brother and sister, and I thought you actually understood that! But apparently, you can barely talk to me. Maybe I'm over analyzing this.

5) I'm angry at homophobes. Sometimes, I just want to kill them all. And I wouldn't even care about the consequences. (I wonder if I'm ever arrested if the police will dig this up and determine me a threat to society :S)

6) I'm mad at cancer. I'd kill it too if it was possible. I'd do anything to make it go away.

7) Myself. I should have done something earlier. It's gone too far now. I don't know how I can get back.

My Biggest Regrets:
I have a few. None of which I'm saying on here. But think about, what are yours? And don't say "not buying this" or "not studying for this". Real regrets. Ones that keep you up at night.

Another thing, ever notice how childhood is getting shorter? Who's fault is it? Ours, our parents? Society in general? I think it depends on the person. My shorter childhood is due to cancer. Some people's are say, their parents divorce. Some people have it good, and then they choose to try and grow up too fast because they think it's more fun, and then when they get there, they wish they held on to their stuffed animals a little while longer.

This post has absolutely no coherence whatsoever. I just all the sudden have so many things to say I feel like screaming.

I'm going to sleep now.

Lots of things to be angry about,

the.(beautiful).let.down

<3

were you born a closed book, full of secret lines and bound so tight?
or did you learn to lock it, as not to break your spine?
cause you shut up and you're all shut inside
and i wanted to get you smiling
and maybe once in awhile you could try
and maybe let your red heart show

come on

won't you let your red heart show?
don't you let your red heart go cold
we were given so much and we let it go
we were given so much and we're getting old
we were promised so much but we let it go
we were promised so much and it's going i know
but you look so good when you're laughing you know
yeah you know you look so good when you let it show

Red Heart-(heyrosetta!)

Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home

Happiness-(thefray)

They yell speak up.
I fill these pages like I fill those spaces with my lies.
They yell step down.
A crowd's not worth this and love's not worthless, you've got to step up stranger.

Might paint something I might want to hang here someday,
Might write something I might want to say to you someday,
Might do something I'd be proud of someday.
Mark my words, I might be something someday.

I don't want to know that you don't want me.
I don't want to know what you do without me.
I don't want to know what I'll be without you.
I dont wanna know. I don't wanna know.

Someday-(teganandsara)