I Want To Sing Another Melody, So Different From The One I Always Sing

^Music Box-Regina Spektor

goddamn it this hurts.
It's like a knife stabbing me in the heart every time I'm not distracted enough.

Another thing is I don't understand how you can fall for someone knowing that you'll barely ever get to see them. How is that fair? It's like, oh ya, this is great I'm really happy then bam you realize they live halfway across the country.

I'm going to come clean right here and now.
No actually, I'm not.
There's nothing to say.
Maybe it's more like there's too much to say.

I could talk and talk and no one would ever get it.

I have hopes and dreams and even more hopes and dreams that everything will be okay when sometimes I'm just kidding myself. I don't deserve any better than I already have, so why hope for it? I certainly don't deserve you, although I can hope.

But why hope when hope becomes a weight set squarely upon your shoulders, pushing you down into the dark?
Why wish on stars when everyone knows that stars are merely explosions of gas, bright in the sky?
And why dream when so much is impossible, and no matter how hard you work, some things will always only be dreams.

I guess my mind is caged around this one idea and hope that won't ever come true, but is the one thing I want so bad that it's actually destroying me.

That's it, you will be what destroys me.

Oh I can see it already, and it's certainly not pretty.

lots of detrimental hoping,

the.(beautiful).let.down

<3

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

Need You Now-(ladyantebellum)